Guidepost #3
Cultivating a Resilient Spirit.
When talking with people about resilience Brene states that she “learned about people’s capacities to stay mindful and authentic under great stress and anxiety, and … how they were able to transform trauma into Wholehearted living.” (pg 63) People who are resilient are:
Resourceful, good problem solvers
Seek Help
Feel capable to do something to manage their feelings
Have social support
Feel connected with others (pg 64)
As someone in group pointed out 3 out of 5 of these points referred to interacting with others.
Brene goes on to say that all of the resilient individuals had one other thing in common and that was a deep sense of spirituality. “Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives.” ( pg 64)
Resilient individuals also have 3 other significant patterns in common; cultivating hope, practicing critical awareness and were able to let go of numbing and taking the edge off vulnerability discomfort and pain. (pg 65)
This was interesting to me and to several others in the group. “Hope is not an emotion; it is a way of thinking … a thought process” (pg 65) This comes about when we are able to set realistic goals, figure out a way to achieve these goals and believe in ourselves. (pg 65) These are the individuals who also believe in hard work and persistence, and see this as a necessary part of life.
Practicing critical awareness is about “reality-checking the messages” we give ourselves. (pg 67) When we practice this instead of zooming in on our perceived faults or weaknesses, we zoom out and become more aware of others around us who also struggle. (pg 68)
Numbing and taking the edge off becomes a way of life for many of us. As Brene says when we numb our feelings, we not only take the edge off the sad/difficult feelings, we also take the edge off the happy positive feelings. Feelings can be numbed by “alcohol, food, drugs, sex, relationships, money, work, caretaking, gambling, staying busy, affairs, chaos, shopping, planning, perfectionism, constant change and the Internet.” (pg 70) Resilient individuals are “not immune to numbing. The primary difference seemed to be that they were aware of the dangers of numbing and developed the ability to feel their way through high-vulnerability experiences.” (pg 70) On page 71 she says “I’ve spent most of my life trying to outrun vulnerability and uncertainty. I wasn’t raised with the skills and emotional practice needed to “lean into discomfort”. (pg72) Most of us weren’t and now it is time to unlearn the old ways and start to understand that leaning into vulnerability although scary is ok. We will survive and in essence begin to thrive. I think this ties in so well with what Sandra discussed at our Breath Workshop on Saturday. Using Breath as one huge coping skill is a wonderful gift.
Under Dig Deep I like her vowel check AEIOUY
A= have I been Abstinent today?
E= have I Exercised today?
I= what have I done for myself today?
O=what have I done for Others today?
U= am I holding on to Unexpressed emotions today?
Y= Yeah! What is something good that’s happened today?
Look at what works for you to set the tone of your day. Try meditation and/or prayer. Find the way to spark the light within. (pg 74)
Thanks to all for coming and sharing at Book Club today. It is so good to hear everyone’s take on the book and on life itself. Next week we will start at 1 again at Tomi’s office and will do Guideposts 4, 5 and 6. See you there!
Indra's Grace: Everything Yoga & Spirituality 